Hello again, dear MLWT readers. It has been over a month now since my introductory blog entry here. I have been busy attending to life – I’m sure you can identify. And the truth is, juggling our body’s needs when caring for ourselves with a chronic condition such as lupus (or in my case, cystic fibrosis), in addition to all that modern life brings our way – meetings, dishes, work, kids, car trouble, etc – can be a real challenge.
Heck, let’s put it right out there: sometimes it feels more than challenging, it feels overwhelming and insanely frustrating. We may find ourselves grumbling through our self-care routines, bemoaning the extra time and energy we need to invest on a daily basis to keep ourselves healthy by eating right, exercising, getting enough rest, and so on. Do you ever find yourself wondering, “If only I didn’t have to deal with this illness on top of everything else, then maybe I could get on top of things, then maybe I’d have enough time to enjoy myself once in a while, then maybe I could be happy with my life”?
I certainly have. It is a lot to juggle. It is frustrating. And yet, there comes a moment, many moments in fact, when we have a choice: stay stuck in the frustration, anger and complaining; or come to terms with some basic level of acceptance with who we are, the body we have, the life we’re in. Because that’s when we can actually begin to tell the story we want with our lives.
This is not easy, to give up this fight, to move past trying to prove how this really isn’t fair, and instead to just sit with it – to let ourselves feel where we actually are in our lives, to see this chronic condition as something other than just an extra burden we haul around. But in those moments when we’ve had enough of frustration, and we are feeling courageous enough to dip our toes into the edge of acceptance, we begin to see our lives in a new way; new possibilities open up for us.
In my own life, when I rest in acceptance with having cystic fibrosis, I feel a surprising affection for this body I’m in. I get a sense of the bigger picture of my life – how my having CF has influenced the course of my life and pushed me to develop other aspects of myself, how much empathy I have for others struggling with health issues, how I want to reach out and connect and help.
When we allow ourselves to accept who we are and what we have to work with, we find new and sometimes unexpected ways to move forward in our life’s journey. For me, this feels a lot better than those times I choose to stay stagnant with frustration and complaining.
So the next time you find yourself wondering, “If only I didn’t have to deal with this,” go ahead and grumble for a few minutes if you need to get it out of your system. But then I invite you to pause a moment, to feel if there is some space in your day and your being to allow acceptance to drop in, to sit with it a while, to feel the bigger picture of who you are and the gifts you bring here, and to ask yourself instead, “What is the story I’d like to tell with my life? What does today’s chapter look like?” And then, dive in, and enjoy.
With heartfelt thanks to my meditation teacher, Brenda Morgan , for helping me feel the possibility of acceptance in my life. ~Sarah
You can connect with Sarah at www.welcomewithlovefamilycare.com, or by emailing welcomewithlove@gmail.com.
