I was gently (?) pushed into blogging this year to begin my sincere efforts in creating a local lupus forum that celebrates our ability to live with lupus here in the PNW on our terms. I have to admit that I was neither comfortable nor enthused about being forced to sit even longer in front of the computer screen to watch my midsection expand exponentially.
Interestingly enough, so have my days of pain – no movement=no blood flow or flexibility.
Through blogging, however, I have ‘met’ and become friends with wonderful people – most of whom do not live here in Oregon. Although I admit to being more comfortable with a smaller crowd than a larger one (which social networking sites allow control over), I do feel the need to have the ‘in person’ social times just to reinforce the human aspects in my daily life and not just the virtual perceptions of it. Basically, I believe it’s necessary for me to maintain, if not improve, my current social skills that can become pretty awful (like my waist) when not used.
During my study in local lupus support groups, I discovered that those women who have lupus, but choose not to attend a lupus support group, generally rely most on coping methods that target their close family relationships. This, however, is different than where they sought emotional support – that I’ll get to at another time.
Today, I’m going to offer a brief summary of one of the relationship-focused strategies called “Network Remodeling“. As we head into this holiday season, our networks are going to be center stage and that is why we are now reading a great deal about handling stress and family ‘stuff’ on blogs. websites and in articles everywhere.
I wasn’t too surprised when I did a Google search and discovered the term network remodeling was also a medical term referring to either capillary/vessel restructuring or a technical term pertaining to electrical wiring configuration. Renee F.Lyons, et al., in the book “Relationships in Chronic Illness and Disability” (Sage Publications, 1995), uses this phrase to describe a chronic illness (CI) coping tool also in terms of a blockage or short in our systems. The goal in remodeling our social networks, especially during times of high stress, is to alleviate complete system failure and to find another path that will SUPPORT the system…or in our case, ourselves.
Some examples of remodeling to get through the rough patches include:
- Recognizing our daily physical and emotional limits and honoring them
- Viewing energy levels as a flowing resource that is necessary to renew, rather than having an unlimited capacity
- Quality, rather than just quantity, matters in the long run and needs prioritized regularly
- Networks, if used, are ever-evolving resources and to limit our network options also limits our opportunities to thrive as a whole
- Arterial or electrical networks wear out and need routine maintenance or repair – the same is true with relationships
Don’t misunderstand me – remodeling isn’t easy and shedding mean Aunt Margaret isn’t always possible. However, preparing for what is to come and getting through it without putting yourself into a nasty 2009 flair is necessary. Before you say or do anything, though, make a list of everyone you anticipate ‘dealing with’ this month. If necessary, apply the value of the relationship with each name – e.g. naughty or nice – because a visual image of your network list will help drive home the balance of quality that you are seeking to understand and work with.
What to do with your list will be the next post – and I do promise that it will be in the next day or so. I know that I’ve been awful about writing regularly. In evaluating whether to begin workshops this Fall, we’ve decided that building and creating a network is more of a priority since most of you have requested resources. The workshops will tie in nicely with the start of a new year – so for now, let’s just get through this one together.
On that note, I will be starting to tour the greater Portland area’s free events and supporting local businesses in my efforts to help them continue to be a part of our community. I’m not rich, by any means, but I think I can come up with a couple of bucks for a cup of joe or tea – especially if it gets me out of the house and possibly visiting with those of you out there.
This week, I will be attending the Tigard Library’s Health presentation by Dr. McCall simply to hear what he has to say about enhancing and maintaining health. I will be at the coffee shop at the main entrance from 2 pm until the presentation begins and will have a red apple on my table (see our Are You Living Green? post about the Green Beard Effect). It’s just a way to step away from the holiday madness, gets me out in the community for a short social boost and gives me a chance to meet some great people. Swing by and say hello if you’re in the neighborhood.
Not being one for direct support group participation, I tend to like my indirect socializing method of ‘sharing’ without the heavy LUPUS cloud hanging over my head. Hope to see you there!
Thursday, December 4
3 – 4:30 p.m.
Community Room
Tigard Library Events Page
“Dr. Michael McCall will give a talk that is centered on what health is and how it can be enhanced and maintained. This will encompass anatomy and physiology of the nervous system, diet and nutrition.
Dr. McCall is a health care trends’ consultant who focuses on alternative healthcare. He also lectures on a variety of topics including nutrition, neurology, endocrinology and homeopathy.” (Source: Tigard library website)
