Mother’s Day is this weekend and, therefore, there is a sense of obligation to recognize – and be recognized as- the women in our loves who offer dutiful, selfless acts of maternal devotion. That may sound a bit callous, but I can’t help feel, as a mother myself, that once a year is just not enough. Why does caring about myself or having others tend to my needs for a day feel so wrong?
Traditionally, this holiday stems from several spiritual sources all over the world. What used to be a celebration of goddesses and symbols has evolved in the last few centuries with a more human, individualized focus. In fact, once the concept of Mother’s Day was imported from Britain into the U.S (attributed to Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War), it was initially viewed as a ‘call to arms’ to women everywhere to speak out against war. Ward’s “Mother’s Day Proclamation” in 1870 spoke of not using aggression to defend (or define) justice and didn’t have any hint of flowers or chocolates at all. Once Woodrow Wilson declared Mother’s Day as an annual national holiday in 1914, those sweet gestures were the instruments which guided us to where we are today.
Being a lover of chocolates and flowers myself, I can’t help but ask “um,..so what’s the problem?” This is a time of year when we can honestly feel as though we deserve to take care of ourselves- and besides, everyone expects us to. In general, women are considered the primary caregivers to others long before they focus on themselves – no matter what country you’re from. Not to say that men aren’t capable or willing, because they are and can be. Collectively, however, there is still an underlying assumption that mom will take care of it. I have derived that from years of research and experience (16 years and counting to be exact).
I propose revisiting the American roots of Mother’s Day with a similar call to arms – for women of Oregon and SW Washington (think local, aim global) to declare an end to using this day as an excuse to care about our needs and to end the sense of obligation on OUR day.
Other parts of the world still celebrate their moms or women as a whole and it should be a celebration rather than a duty. Guide those you share your lives with by insisting on celebrating because you are who you are- not because you deserve it. You and everyone around you knows you do. In fact, we could take this one step further and give our immune systems the day to relax as well.
The problem with having an autoimmune disease is that the immune system is operating as if it senses there are ‘weapons of mass destruction’ somewhere and is determined to find them. This call to arms and Ward’s attempt to stop violence fits in the lupus/self-care theme very well. The havoc of our over-eager immune systems’ search and destroy missions challenge our healthy, functioning systems and calming the chaos is necessary in managing our illness. That ‘caregiver’ needs to be recognized just as much and it is up to us individually to make sure it happens. Celebrate, with flowers and chocolates if you like, the fact that you caregivers (mothers, women and immune systems) tend to not spend time caring of your needs. Today, make certain that you do, because your lives depend on it.
Here is a website devoted to Mother’s Day all year round that has some great ideas in how your celebration can be created. I will also post in the Lounge (bulletin boards) some events that caught my eye briefly - be sure to add to them since I know there is more out there than I found. The weather looks like it might be on the cloudy side, so bring the sunshine in and be sure to take care of yourself -each and every day!
